Just Because You Don't Have An Original Idea Doesn't Mean You Should Remake Classic Films And Ruin Them!!!

There is no such thing as an original idea anymore. All that there is now are adaptations on previous film ideas, prequels, sequels and The Remake!!!

Prequels tend to work well if done correctly, one such example of a very cleverly made prequel is Star Trek (but that is another story for another time). Hopefully Prometheus will join the ranks of great prequels as well (even though Ridley Scott says it isn't a prequel, I say it is).

Sequels made relatively soon after the original are usually the better and more successful ones. By relatively soon I mean one to two years not 6 months like the Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions. If a sequel comes out too soon after its predecessor then it is usually rushed, the script isn't great and there is always that little something missing. If it comes out too long after the previous one most people tend to forget where the other left off, what the plot was and if they get the original actors back they have usually aged a lot and not longer actually look like they did in the original, case in point Bruce Willis in Die Hard 4, he definitely didn't look like the John McClane we all knew from 1988.

Adaptations seldom work, mostly because they are almost exactly the same as one we have seen before just a few things have changed, usually location, title, and genre. Sometimes the adaptation will still be as enjoyable as the similar one that came before but you still sit there thinking that you have seen it already. Examples here are Lockout basically being Escape from New York. The differences being here that Lockout is set in space and instead of being the President that needs rescuing it's the President’s daughter. Same movie. Battle Royale and The Hunger Games are another example. Same principle, slight differences in the story, almost identical ending.

Now we get to the main point of this rant. The Remake. Very few and I mean very few remakes have been better than the original. Hulk with Eric Bana = Awful.....The Incredible Hulk with Edward Norton = Superior. But these are merely a handful of movies that have been successfully remade.

There is one movie in particular that has been remade that should never have been touched. And it is:

The Ladykillers (1955)

I'm just going to put it out there but NONE OF THE EALING COMEDIES SHOULD EVER BE REMADE!!! Now the Coen Brothers have brought us some great movies, Fargo, The Big Lebowski, Burn After Read and of course No Country For Old Men. However when they approached the producers with the script for The Ladykillers, someone should have said this "Whoa there boys, we like your enthusiasm but The Ladykillers is a classic and perfect the way it is." They should not have said "What a good idea. Let's do it".
Nothing directed by Alexander Mackendrick or featuring Alec Guinness should ever be remade. I don't care how many Oscars they have won, absolutely no one can ever compare to the legend that is Alec Guinness. The way he looked in the movie was amazing. He is the only person who could have ever played Professor Marcus. Along with his supporting cast of crooks posing as musicians, there was no way that this movie could fail.

Then you have the most important character in the whole movie, the one person that without, the film simply would not have worked...yes indeed, Mrs Wilberforce!!! The slightly crazy old lady that unknowingly rents her spare room to a professor who leads a group of classical musicians but in actual fact turn is planning a heist and using her house and their "music" as a front.

The actual robbery is pulled off fair easily but afterwards is where the problems begin to arise. Mrs Wilberforce discovers what they have done, she asks the group for a classical performance for her friends and slowly one by one they end up killing each other over the money. Absolute genius, plain and simple, there are no other words for it.

Now if you are going to remake a movie then you stick as close to the original as possible. You deviate from the template only when absolutely necessary. You don't keep the premise and the title but change the most important aspects of the movie. You don't go and change the look of the characters; you don't try and recreate the comedy of people like Alec Guinness and Peter Sellers with actors that aren't overly known for their comedy and most importantly YOU DON'T GO AND CHANGE MRS WILBERFORCE!!!!

I like Tom Hanks, I really do and I think that he is truly fantastic actor but I lost so much respect for him by agreeing to work on this movie. He claims to have a love and respect for the classics but then he goes and does this...oh dear Tom.

The most important person in the whole movie, to the comedy and to the plot was Mrs Wilberforce. A small, slightly deaf and a little crazy old woman. Her badly time interferences into the groups "rehearsal" time and her discovery of what has happened is what spurs the series of unfortunate events that occur. She is not meant to be a large southern woman who could just as easily beat them to death with a frying pan. The comedy is in the fact that even if she wanted to she couldn't really pose a threat to them short of calling the police.

Classics such as the Ealing Comedies, The Pink Panther Movies and other such masterpieces that have fallen foul of the remake, simply shouldn't have. The means for remaking movies such as this should go through a rigorous screening process which would include anyone who actually was involved in making the original and hopefully culminate in the answer still being "No! Now please bugger off".

We must fight to save our classic films because before long they will all have been remade. As a result this type of coversation will occur:

"Have you seen Casablanca?"

"Yeah, Jonny Depp was great in it!"

"Wait, what?"

"You know. Jonny Depp. He played Dick Hartigan in it. You should know that."

"No. Jonny Depp wasn't in Casablanca. It was Humphrey Bogart and he played Rick Blaine"

"Who is Humphrey Bogart??"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

DON'T LET IT HAPPEN PEOPLE. FIGHT FOR THE CLASSICS!!!!!

What the hell is up with this 12A rating Bullshit??

Now don't get me wrong, I am all for the cinema having a wide selection of movies so that there is something for everyone to go and see but some movies are just not designed for the younger ages. It's a fact. Some movies warrant more sex, violence, dismemberment, gratuitous nudity and awesomeness than others. Therefore you have these ratings U, PG, 12, 15, 18. These allow us to make sure the right movies get the right measure of the above mentioned to ensure viewer enjoyment.

However some silly bugger thought it would be a good idea to add a new rating. A curse if you will, a blight upon the silver screen world. The 12A rating. Now this means that small annoying children can now get in to see potentially awesome movies with their parents. But in order for this to work, the potentially awesome movie has to be edited and watered down so that the younger than should be allowed in child won't get f***ing nightmares.

Take for example Die Hard 4 (I simply to refuse to call it 4.0). Fine there was a lot wrong with that movie but it was made worse with the addition of this pointless 12A rating. All we wanted was a return to the awesomeness that was the original Die Hard movies, (yes I know the fourth movie of a series is never anywhere near as good as the original, especially when it has been made 19 years after). All we desired was an awesome action movie with guns, terrorists, cheesey one liners and of course the coveted "Yippey Ki-Yay Motherfucker!"

What we got was guns, an exploding helicopter and a harrier jumpjet under a freeway (strangely similar to True Lies me thinks)!!! No blood splattering head shots, no decent swearing and no beating the bad guy to death with the but of a gun because he ran out of ammo. Not that this is why I go to watch these films but it's a Die Hard movie, you expect it. And so you have sat through all 128 minutes of this and when it comes to the end of the film, you hear him start saying that immortal line "Yippey...." and now you're thinking "finally, the one line we've been waiting to hear for the entire child friendly 128 minutes" and then you get "Ki-Yay....BANG" as he shoots himself through the shoulder to kill the big bad boss. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, NUH UH, YOU DO NOT COVER THE ONE LINE, THE SIGNATURE CATCHPHRASE OF JON McCLANE WITH A MOTHERF***ING GUN SHOT!!!!!!!!!!

I know that in the long run this is all about money and that really the 12A rating is here to stay. 15 practically no longer exists and fewer 18's are being seen as most releases are aiming at getting everybody of every age into see it. Some movies can still be made into decent films under a 12A rating but some films deserve more to make them better and as a result can't be held to the standards of a 12A rating.

I bet that if the Hunger Games had been a 15 the experience would have been entirely different. The books were far more graphic than the film was. The film hints at what the book described in detail. Some people have told me that nothing was really lost in the experience of this film through a 12A rating. I say otherwise. I've read books and I know that if they had used the detail in the book for the film, there is no way it would have ever been a 12A!!!! I mean for crying out loud it is a story about 24 kids fighting to the death till only one is left standing. They're given swords, bows, spears, nets etc and you hardly see a thing. It's still enjoyable but so much was lost from it being a 12A rating.

If Prometheus gets hampered with a 12A rating then oh dear god will I lose it!!!!